A Boy and a Boob take a Commercial Break


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A Boy and a Boob take a Commercial Break
by Carol Dunn

Scene 1: White background, soft focus, billowing white curtains, schmoozy music.
Zoom in on a lady looking lovingly down on the infant on her lap. The lady gazes lovingly, the little boy lifts a tiny little hand up towards the lady's face--Then the lady screams in pain as the little boy's razor sharp fingernails gouge a chunk out of her chin.
Or at least that's how it really happens, I've seen that image of blissful motherhood thousands of times, and never once realised that it ends in tears, or at least blood.
Another image that was really appealing when pregnant, but seems ludicrous once a mother, is the ad that shows the virtually nude new mother in a loose white robe, with the nekid little baby on her tummy. I have decided that the model has to have been drugged, because how else could she keep her mouth from clenching in fearful anticipation. Anyone who has had a jaundiced baby under a bili-lamp for any length of time knows that you have to replace the bedding every twenty minutes or so, either from the baby impersonating a water fountain (if it's a boy) or launching at incredible speed and force the fruits of his/her labour. Knowing how long photo shoots take to get everything right, they no doubt had a team of people standing nearby with dozens of fresh new robes and sheets, plus scrub-brushes and buckets at the ready.
A good ad we have in Europe is of a smiling young woman, impeccably dressed, striding through a mall, with a smiling baby facing forward in a sling (the product) in each hand the woman has 3 or 4 bags indicating that she has had a successful day of shopping alone, and you can too, if you have that sling. As if.
The fact is, almost all ads targeting young mothers are a bit suspect--how many ads have you seen for a product that claims that it will keep your infant preoccupied for hours (maybe cumulatively in it's life) in smiling happy bliss. But then, what advertiser could write up the truth: a picture of the baby playing happily of the packaging from the product, with a message saying that your baby may use it happily for about 5 minutes, then indicate that it's time to pick him/her up.
And a final point--where do the pg magazines get the svelt georgous pg models that they put in pictures drinking tea with hunky men in cafe's in articles about what the first stage of labour is like? Did they use computer animation? Clever body suits? Or so these women really exist somewhere? Wait, don't tell me--if they do, I think I'd rather not know.

A Little About Carol Dunn
Carol Dunn is a former Management Consultant. She has lived in England, Russia, Kazakstan, Belarus and Ukraine, but is currently residing happily with her husband and son in the Washington DC area. They are expecting a daughter in July.