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Tamsin will be Disastered

We are discovering that moving house with children is definitely harder than moving house without children - or are we just getting older? (If not wiser!)

We last moved six months ago, into the house we've been renting while waiting to move back to Australia. It was not a good move. The children were badly unsettled and there were a lot of logistical problems to contend with. Halfway through the move, which we were at that stage doing on our own, Graham's work phoned and said that he had to attend a disaster in Manchester (200 miles away from where we live) the next day, and stay for three days. When he said that he really couldn't, because we were moving and the place was a disaster area, he was told that the company would pay for removalists to finish the job that afternoon. As I yelled in the background that I'd divorce him if he went away and left me in the middle of that mess, his boss hastily told him to take all of us and that they'd pay the hotel bill.

So we had a nice couple of days in Manchester, stayed in a great hotel with not only a pool and a spa, but a children's pool as well, and generally had a bit of a holiday. Then we came home to Ground Zero, but at least we hadn't had to lift the last of the boxes ourselves.

Tamsin enjoyed her little holiday, but reverted to being unsettled as soon as we walked in the door of the new house. Another two days and we'd cleaned up the old house and handed the keys over. I made her go and say goodbye to her room - silly, but a ritual I always found helpful in the many moves I have made during my restless life. She didn't want to at first, but as we were leaving she raced back upstairs and did it. And she was absolutely fine from that moment onwards. No longer unsettled, perfectly happy, positive about the new house (which was more than her parents were - we've hated living in it!) Angus remained unsettled for a while longer, but got over it in time.

Now we are on the move again, hopefully the last time for a while. The children are, again, unsettled. Angus is reacting as any toddler does to change and uncertainty - clinginess. He's been a bit clingy ever since we sold the other house last September. He's happy if he's just with me, or even just me and his dad, but he seems to be resenting sharing me with Tamsin. They've always got on well, but now he seems to want me to himself, and seems a bit resentful of her even if she smothers him with attention (perhaps because she smothers him with attention!)

And Tamsin is suffering quite badly right now. We keep presenting the Australia move as a great adventure, an opportunity to see her grandparents and cousins a lot, to live in a city with a lot more for her to do than she has in the little country town we live in in England. I think she's quite keen about Australia, and has enjoyed finding out about it and talking to her relations on the phone. My mother spent Christmas with us and that was a good opportunity for them to get to know each other and for Tamsin to enjoy anticipating seeing her again.

At one point I was telling Tamsin how much fun she would have in Melbourne, and she said dramatically, 'If it isn't fun, I'll be DISASTERED!' It was so funny. She can be a real drama queen and I think she swept her brow at the time. I knew what she meant, though. It is a big responsibility to be building up an experience and to have a small person relying on my interpretation of how it will be for her.

I know that ultimately it will work out well for her. She is a very sociable and resilient child, and will make new friends and throw herself into new experiences without a backward glance. But I do need to keep reminding myself that while I am going home, to be with friends and family and familiar places, to her it might as well be the Moon!

Just to add to the uncertainty in her life, I had to go into hospital recently to have a minor operation on my knee. Nothing life threatening, only a day case, so I wasn't even away from home overnight. But apparently she burst into tears in the middle of school that day and needed a lot of comforting from her teacher, which is most uncharacteristic of her. And now we have learnt that Angus has a hernia, which we have been recommended should be operated on before we go. We agree that this seems sensible, but we at the time we were told this was exactly four weeks to the day before our flight! Yes, it is another minor operation, but it is a stress that none of us need. Tamsin is quite upset about it. It doesn't seem to be bothering him at all, but she hates the thought of him being ill or hurt.

I suppose it must seem as though her whole world is falling apart around her. For the last couple of weeks Graham and I have been very busy with arrangements for the move, mainly compiling an inventory of what is being packed and sent by sea. Unfortunately this has coincided with her Easter holidays, so she has spent a lot of time dodging harassed parents who have not had time to play with her. Fortunately today some kind friends have taken her out for the day, ostensibly as company for their own children.

I think that if I were Tamsin, I'd be pretty disastered by now!

Come to think of it, I am pretty disastered!

Judy Edmonds was born in England, grew up in Australia and is married to Graham Peters, a fifth-generation Australian. From 1990-1999 they lived in England - it was meant to be a two year working holiday but it took on a life of its own. They returned to Australia in May 1999, and are enjoying readjusting. Judy worked as an academic librarian until the birth of Tamsin in 1993, and since then has been a full-time mother to her and to Angus, born 1996. She is now embarking on a new career as a freelance journalist. Her writing can be found all over the Internet now, and she is the owner/editor of an Australian parenting EZine, Chloe & Jack.




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